Five common thinking traps and how to avoid them

Have you ever fallen into a thinking trap?

“I already messed up my plan by eating a piece of cake, so I might as well start my diet over again on Monday!”

“I have a really bad headache. Could this be a brain tumour?!”

“My co-worker never says hello when I pass her in the hallway. She must hate me!”

These thoughts are all excellent examples of cognitive distortions — also known as “thinking traps.”

We tend to believe that thoughts are completely rational and true in the moment — when in reality, they are just thoughts. Though our thoughts do not define us entirely, they do affect how a person feels and ultimately how they behave.

Neuro-Linguistic-Programming (NLP) was a concept that began to surface within the 1970’s. Before the adoption of the NLP model, we had cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) first introduced by psychologist Aaron Beck in the 1960s, as a type of psychotherapy that proposes a person’s mood and feelings are impacted by their thoughts and behaviours. One of the strategies of CBT, similar to NLP, is to identify and overcome cognitive distortions and replace them with new, more helpful thoughts.

Below are five thinking traps which are common negative cognitive distortions, and offers examples of how to use CBT to avoid these traps.

Trap No. 1: All-or-nothing thinking

This is one of the most common thinking traps, often referred to as black-and-white thinking. It involves thinking in extremes, such as saying to yourself ‘I am a total success or I am a complete failure’ or ‘I am either great at my job or I am horrible.’

In oder to move out of this thinking trap is to be more flexible in the interpretation of the situation.

Example: “I only have (lack of expectation), so I just won’t (act) at all since I don’t have my usual (expectation).”
Replace with: “Something is always better than nothing. It is better to (act) for (less expectation) than not at all.”

These two representations of thought patterns can also be recognized in the common phrasing of, ‘glass half full, or, glass half empty‘. In the world of NLP and psychology, this is a heighten difference between having a fixed-mindset over a growth-mindset.

When people are negative or critical, it usually stems from habitual behaviour, and when we understand this we can stay calm and in control. Habit actually controls 80 percent of what people do each day, and we all have established behavioural patterns dating back to our childhood, which may or may not be productive and positive. This doesn’t mean we should condone bad behaviour, but use tools to stay calm especially around family members or others who may trigger the habitual response that we are trying to change.

If someone is negative or complaining, don’t engage or fuel the conversation, but say in your mind ‘(this) is who they are, they do (that) out of habit and I’m not taking it on me”. Secondly, you can say “I get it” or “that’s interesting” and change the topic. Best of all is to completely change the subject and to compliment them on what they do well.

An excellent exit to a negative conversation would be to say something positive about the person that is relative to that conversation.

For example, if your mom gets negative about who did or didn’t show up to the birthday party, you could say something positive like, “The birthday cake you baked was amazing”. Start using this approach and watch it work like magic.

Trap No. 2: Catastrophizing

This thinking trap involves focusing on the worst possible outcome of a situation, often not on the most likely or probable outcome. The solution for catastrophizing is simple: De-catastrophizing.

Once the worst-case scenario has been assessed, ask what the realistic odds are that the worst fear will come true. Or even if it is highly likely, consider what the worst actual result would be of that worst outcome and then, look at other possible outcomes, and consider how to cope, even if the worst happened.

Example: “I haven’t heard from my husband in three hours — he could be dead!”
Replace with: “He is probably just busy at work or stuck in traffic. There have been many times in the past that I worried when I didn’t hear from him, but nothing horrible ever happened.”

Trap No. 3: Emotional reasoning

This thinking trap involves seeing feelings or emotions as the truth, regardless of the objective evidence. Just because one feels useless does not mean they are.

How to break free of emotional reasoning? Remember that feelings are not facts, and tap into logical reasoning skills by examining the objective evidence for and against the automatic negative thoughts.

Example: “I feel really anxious on this plane ride, so I think something bad is about to happen.”
Replace with: “Feelings are not facts. I have been on many plane rides in the past, and nothing bad has ever happened. The odds of being in a plane crash are less than one in 10 million. I can accept my feelings of anxiety without believing something awful will happen.”

Trap No. 4: Mind reading

Mind reading is assuming that someone is thinking something negative, without having any definitive evidence. This can often lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy, when the other person picks up on your odd behaviour.

Realize that no one can read minds and one can never really know what others are thinking unless they say it.

Example: “My boss hasn’t responded to my second email requesting information. She must think I am so annoying. I am probably her least favourite employee.”
Replace with: “My boss has been especially busy lately and is probably having to prioritize all of the items on her to-do list. I can think of many examples of times when my boss was very responsive to me in the past, and there is no reason to believe that she does not like me.”

Trap No. 5: Overgeneralization

When encountering difficult situations, it is easy to fall victim to overgeneralizing when it is assumed that it is going to happen again every time, or that a single negative event is part of a series of unending negative events.

If you find yourself thinking ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ or ‘How typical — I’m just an unlucky person,’ you may be caught up in the thinking trap of overgeneralization.

Overcome this trap by removing terms such as “always,” “never,” “everybody” and “nobody,” and look for any exceptions to the statement.

Example: “That date was horrible. I am a terrible dater who will never find love.”
Replace with: “I am probably overgeneralizing. I’ve been on some fun dates, so this doesn’t happen every single time, and it’s very possible that it won’t happen next time either.”

Bottom line is, by using NLP or cognitive behavioural therapy, one can transform their thoughts, and potentially change how they feel and how they ultimately behave, for the better.